Monday, November 23, 2015

11 Year Anniversary

Can't believe it's been 11 years since Jason & I have started dating. Here's a super RARE picture of us wearing our boring white drywall work hoodies at the Bowler the first night we started going out. 

First date 2004

We've definitely brightened up each others lives!

Got some rad flowers and my favorite Carol Widmans dark chocolate raspberry jelly flavored sticks along with some delish coconut candies I'd never tried before & of course some well needed champagne! Can you say this mama is SPOLIED?

Silas has gotten a wee bit easier to care for but still is hungry all the time it seems like. Had an up the back poopy diaper blowout, got pissed on & spit up on tons so I've officially been accepted into motherhood properly.

awww holding his paci already!

 Lucky to get one good scrub down shower in a week these days, so that's weird. Most of my day consists of walking around with only a sports bra & skirt/dress on due to constant feedings & pumping sessions. I need to get in the habit of closing the curtains more...bummer.  

Friday, November 13, 2015

Baby's First Doctor Appointment

Silas is 9 days old & got his first checkup today!
It's also Friday the 13th....

Grandma & Grandpa S. stopped by to visit us since they live out of town and had an appointment in town themselves. For some reason Silas was all perfect and sleeping for them after Daddy & I have been having one hell of a stressful & sleepless week so far, go figure! 


His checkup went awesome and we were curious if he'd gained or lost weight. Born at 9 lbs 6 oz and now he weighs 9 lbs 11oz, what a healthy lil' man! Ended the Dr. visit by taking a crap in the room with the Dr. there, oh Silas lol. Since he is doing so good we get to skip his 2 month appointment in December and come back in January 2016.

First Dr. trip!

All an all a wonderful day.
Will I get some sleep tonight?
Is the ultimate question tho...

Monday, November 9, 2015

Blood Pressure Check

No problems huh?!
Forget that, I was wrong.

Sunday & today were an absolute DRAIN! A 20 year gap between having babies and knowing how to care for them physically & emotionally is not like riding a bike, my bad. Practice is needed when you go this long, in my experience so far. The crying, the lack of sleep, the 24/7 nursing & pumping & the diaper changing, all while I'm still bleeding like crazy from the delivery. It's all come back to me now. The constant need from your newborn is no joke. My old brain isn't use to the high pitched cries of a baby anymore an a massive headache has formed. Breastfeeding has turned into a never-ending battle. I feel like Silas isn't getting enough food to peacefully get him full & sleepy. The whole house is suffering from his lack of sleep, even the cats!

To top these first few days of new parenting off I had to stop in the clinic this evening and get my blood pressure checked. Was totally freaking out that it would be sky high due to all the stress I've been enduring at home but luckily it was pretty good. Yeaaaah! Wasn't looking forward to having to get on blood pressure pills at my age. I got enough issues lol.

It's been worth the suffering though for Silas is super snuggly and amazing to stare at! Oh, and I finally got a well needed shower...

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Day 4 after Birth

Going home today!
Silas's test results are negative so we'll finally be able to pack up and go home...this evening anyway. My blood pressure is still super high but thankfully I'm getting discharged as well.

No more washing hands a zillion times a day to see my baby, 
surely won't be missing that.

Wee one has to do a car seat check which takes 2 hours or so, dang. Guess they strap him in and make sure he can breath the whole time in the seat. Then we have a diaper changing & bathing session after. It's been a while since I've done either so it's just as new to me as it is to Jason. HAD to rest in bed a ton today which was a pain in the ass but gotta listen to the DR. & nurses I suppose so I can get out of here right? Finally got some uninterrupted sleep, ate good and was up and about with little pain ready to hit the road, patiently waiting forever...then once it finally happened it took literally a minute. Grrrrrrr. 

Here's baby Silas all ready to experience the outside world!

The abnormally beautiful day here in Fargo in November made me appreciate the moment even more! Once we got home & brought Silas in our 4 farm rescue cats were totally freaking out! When Silas cried our oldest cat, Marley, went pSyChO and beat up on our youngest yet largest cat, Specks, for no reason what so ever. It was crazy. Guess the new baby was pissing her off or she thought Specks was making that awful noise. She's such a bully. Freakin' cats! This happened a few more times that night until Marley figured out the new little addition to our family was the one causing all the ruckus. Our other two cats, Smokey & Miss Kitty, hid in the bedroom the rest of the night. 

Other then that we had a super good first night home. I actually got some sleep for Silas slept wonderfully & cried very little. "I got this, no problem" I thought... "This parenting stuffs like riding a bike"

Don't Worry Be Happy now...

Mama & baby

Daddy & baby

Friday, November 6, 2015

Day 3 after Birth

My hands and arms are mega dry due to all the 2 minute hand washing that's necessary to go into the NICU. Swear I've washed 20+ times today. 

Silas is doing super an I've gotten a wee bit better at breastfeeding. 
Wee bit better...wee bit.

Starting to LOVE the room service here and my hunger has returned while the food is finally staying in my belly happily now! Yeahhhhhhh. Hurts to walk around but it is getting easier. All these walks to & from the NICU are helping even though they are painful!

All day long I have been dealing with: 

-blood pressure checks (which have been sky high) 
-another damn blood draw for whatever reason I have no clue 
-feeding sessions at the NICU
-pumping (got an awesomely cute lil' breast pump finally) 
-waiting for room service
-bloody diaper pad changes (yes, for me)
-and TRYING to catch a few zzzzz's in between

It's been exhausting!

Honestly have gotten around 5 hours total of sleep these past 3 days here.
No showers & I'm going a bit cRaZy.

To top it off my freaking hospital bed is still so very loud all day and all night long. Ahhrhrhrgggh. When I can get a lil' nap it wakes me up. !@#$%^&

FU bed
Today Silas got circumcised and that went very good, he's such a lil' trooper! Disappointingly, we won't have any test results back until tomorrow so he has to stay overnight again in the NICU :( Due to my high blood pressure readings I as well will be staying, which works out I guess but it would be nice to go home. 

I'm prepared for another loooong night of NICU feedings, loud bed noises, nurse visits, pumping and quick naps perhaps. No wonder why my blood pressure is through the roof! Doohhh

"There's no place like home"
click (a noise from my bed)
 "There's no place like home"
 "There's no place like home"

ahhh damn didn't work, I'm still in the hospital....

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Day 2 after Birth

To sum this post wasn't much fun most of the day.

Such a stressful morning dealing with no sleep and the aftermath of a shitty night. The apple & cliff bar I ate earlier flew through me like nothing so eating breakfast isn't gonna happen now. No fricken way. Finally getting a hang of changing the massive diaper pad & all the icky fun stuff you need to do to your poor lady part. I clearly remember this fricken BS from my first birth experience. Hated it then and hate it now & can't wait to deal with this joy for weeks...

In the late afternoon I was feeling sort of alright to possibly eat. I ordered room service to start gaining back some strength so I could pay my first visit to Silas in the NICU. Was feeling way better by the evening and finally got to spend time with my adorable lil' man and give breast feeding another try. Our first mini trial after he was born was a success so I was thinking this would be no problem from here on, but that was a lie. He managed to suckle a little here and there every time I came back to feed him but yea...gonna need some practice with this breastfeeding indeed. I formula fed my first son back in 1995 so this is a very new experience for me! Since I couldn't be with Silas that first night I had to start manually expressing my breast milk to get the colostrum and bring what I could with me to the NICU. It was super weird and what they expected me to do with a spoon to get it in the container was ridiculously impossible but I managed to get something and eventually it got kinda easy. Of course everyone on staff happened to walk in every damn time I took a tit out to do this. deeerrrrrrr 

That night Grandma & Grandpa M. came to pay a visit and had to lather up to see Silas in the NICU. They brought a cute flower arrangement along with a fluffy white teddy bear, so adorable! Think I'm gonna use it in his monthly photos to capture how fast he will grow the first year. Awwwww pinterest ideas make me happily wanna puke rainbows. The flowers which were daisies (my fave) were in a baby bottle and made my room smell awesome! Wasn't sure if we could take pics in the NICU so sadly I didn't get any pics with my Dad & baby Silas. Dammit, bummed about that.

The rest of the night was back & forth from NICU and our room for feedings. Tiring to say the least but seeing Silas was blissful. Jason eventually went home to tend to the kitties and gather some goods for the next day. I got very little sleep but managed to get my hunger back and scarfed down bananas and pumpkin bars all night between NICU feeding trips, blood pressure checks, blood draws & housekeeping coming in and out my room during the day and some of the night. It's just not possible to get sleep with all that going on around you. To top it off when I did get to lay down for a short nap my fuckin' bed was noisy as hell keeping me awake. 

Hope we'll get Silas's test results and get to leave tomorrow. I so miss being home in my quiet bed with no nurses or staff around to poke & prod at me lol. Thanks for helping but me go home now yes please. To make things better Jason's parents sent a box of chocolates and a balloon to our room tonight. Sooo yummy and kind! I might share...or not. Hey, I'm trying to regain my strength and need chocolate OK.

I didn't share.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Contractions = Delivery Day: Happy Birthday Silas Layne!

Holy heck I think I'm having contractions "ahh-ArrRggGhh" 
Is today really the day?! 

Woke up at 7am with horrible cramps. Totally not thinking it was D-day at all, just that nasty after feeling you may experience after getting a pelvic exam, as I did yesterday. Then the pain kept on and on all damn morning...

By noon I was freaking out for sure and knew this was it. I was most definitely having contractions, mild yet sharply painful almost paralyzing for a second....puke. In my opinion contractions are the worst part of having a baby. Trying super hard to be cool, calm & keep things under control while I suffered through them for 5 hours, counting the time apart while packing my hospital bags between the pain. Yes I said I was still packing...HA this is why you should have your bags packed and ready people. Tip of the day.

Eventually I couldn't walk and had made a new home on our bed pressing my head against the wall maybe trying to push through to another realm where I was not about to give birth, I dunno? It was crazy but seemed to give me some sort of odd relief at that moment. Finally broke down and called the clinic to confirm that I'm-in-freakin labor. yada yada yada ended up having to wait for a nurse to call me back?? whaaaa-t-ever ok then sure.

Sent a text to Jason at 1:11pm 
"You might need to come home asap"

Luckily he got off work early and was grabbing a few groceries at Hornbachers just a couple minutes away. My car also wasn't ready for this trip. Once Jason got home he needed to go fill my bug up with gas AND fill my ever leaking two passenger side tires up with air (one which is a spare mind you) lolololol whatthehellLila. OK nooooow we're off to the hospital! Lets do this!

We drove around the Sanford building once & got all flustered plus more nervous realizing neither of us actually knew where to go let alone park. Our brains finally reappeared after I cringed in pain a few more times as the contractions got closer and closer, feeling like I was about to push baby Silas out right here, right least I was close to Sanford. Jason pulled up to the entry and got a wheelchair ready for me cause by this time I was not diggin' the idea of walking around, anywhere. Nope. Seemed like forever from home to hospital but I was finally here and this was really happening!

 Felt like a million nurses kept checking how much I was dilating which stayed at 4 cms for hours. Eventually I was given a block which would last two hours for the damn pain. That helped sooooo much & I felt at peace.

At peace to birth Silas!

Soon I was at 6 cms once given this wild peanut ball to put between my legs while laying on my side. Waiting, waiting, waiting to dilate, wish I would of chilled out more and listened to music or something cause before you know it was 2 hours later and the block wore off. I was freaking out a wee bit while the contractions & pain returned, worse then ever. For the next half hour I asked for an epideral and finally the chick who administers them came in to give me one of the wonderful shots of glorious bliss but had to leave asap to help a patient who was having a bad reaction to an epiderial she just gave. What? Huh? Fuck. Shoot. Oucccchy goddammit then & quickly the dreamland I was living in faded away. All of a sudden I was dilated enough and the nurses called the Dr. in to get this birthing party started...NATURALLY!

Oh shit. I thought, this was not my plan and I was so scared but somehow managed to pop Silas out in a half an hour. Yes, it hurt of course. Holding back your legs and trying to squeeze out a human being is not easy but the moment he was pushed free was a truly amazing experience!

Weirdly positioned mirrors on the ceiling helped me see some things I honestly didn't need to see but yea...I saw. Wish I would of been looking at Jasons face more though cause I'm sure he saw plenty too. Once you deliver your baby you have to push out the placenta as well, which may weight as much as your baby. Silas was born 9lbs 6ozs so the placenta required a wee bit of pushing to get out & along with the pesky Dr. squishing my stomach this made it kinda painful, especially after the tiring delivery I experienced. Must of faded off a bit when Jason cut the umbilical cord cause I totally don't recall that - phooey. He said his hands were shaking like cRaZy! Awww nervous new daddy. 

Pretty much the way I saw it happening

 I remember Silas on the warming table surrounded by nurses sucking the mucus out of him for an abnormally long time while the Dr. urged me to keep pushing. He kept pushing on my tummy more and more with force this time frantically telling me I need to pass these blood clots or I'd have to end up going into surgery to get them removed. WOW - what the hell was going on here now. I thought the hard stuff was over but nope. Once I did pass the clots I saw the look of one of the nurses whose face turned white as a ghost & she made a frightening noise. Guess it was gross, luckily I didn't see any of this in the ceiling mirrors. The nurse apologized after and said that part always makes her stomach turn if it happens. derrr

Silas was still on the warming table but was soon ready to lay on my chest finally getting the bonding skin on skin time an hour and a half after delivering him. Seemed like a long time to wait....

I'm in LOVE!

While we were bonding I could feel the slight pain of being stitched up down there by my Dr. and a med student whom was getting lectured at the time. Very amusing but sort of scary when you think about it. Hopefully they did a good job or else hehehee. Only a few minor tears happened - unlike my last pregnancy. Was pleased with this info, no one wants to be told they hella ripped open after giving birth and since Silas (9lbs 6 ozs) was bigger then Gage (8 lbs 12 ozs) I was pretty impressed with my va-jay-jay power this time around!

Since I had some blood clots I had to get a shot in my upper thigh which ultimately gave me a mega wicked case of diarrhea. Thank my goddess it started after our family paid us a visit. 

Grandma L. & Silas

Grandma S. & Silas

Sadly and out of the blue lil' baby Silas was taken to the NICU for he had a slightly elevated temp and needed to get some cultures done on him to make sure he didn't have meningitis. WHAA? I was shocked and terrified with this bullshit sounding news & the thought of him not being able to stay in our room tonight or perhaps any of the nights we spend here. This goes to show you never know whats going to happen or what to expect. Glad I didn't want to give a home birth a chance both Silas & I would of had many difficulties not being near all the helpful hospital staff & medical equipment that helped us get through everything with minor problems. 

We are blessed.

Gotta love those baby feet!

While Jason went back and forth from the NICU & our room I was straight up suffering in pain from the stitches and getting furiously annoyed of pissing out my ass from the clot shot. It sucked! Wasn't feeling very good all night long into the morning hours the next day so I wasn't able to visit Silas in the NICU at all. I felt alone and horrid, missed the little fella bunches. My belly was gone and so was my baby. Sadness crept in and I couldn't get a lick of sleep due to perhaps all the stress. Jason was such an awesome daddy and helped me with everything but he had to go home to shower, take care of our 4 fur babies and get a few zzzzz's himself. I was so hungry by then so I scarfed down an apple & half a cliff bar. Yummmm. My poor red dotted up face still showed the stress of the delivery 7 hours after I gave birth. Crazyness. 

Worth it!

Super Fantastic Day...
tough night all alone. 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

39 Weeks - Stress Test & Eviction Notice

Weight 224 lbs
Dilated 3 Cms

Blood pressure is still pretty high so the Dr. skipped listening to his heartbeat and decided to give me a stress test. First time I've ever needed one with both my pregnancy's so it made me super-duper-nervous. The test took around 30 minutes maybe a bit longer and it honestly was very uncomfortable...@#$%. They make you SQUEEZE on this abnormally tight meshy belly band and stick monitors in the most uncomfy areas to get the heart rate of baby with this print out machine that looked like 80s technology lol. I oddly laid there and read magazines poking and prodding at the damn monitors for what felt like 5 hours. In the end everything was fine and dandy and off I went waddling to the bathroom to pee, amazed I didn't piss myself. I got a pic of my after belly dents but lost it, need to look for that cause its totally weird. 

 Looooong appt. today. First off I waited in the waiting room for at least 20 minutes, it was busy with many pregnant ladies around. Freaking February baby makers in love <3 By the looks of it the hospital is gonna be super full when I deliver. Just great...

This evening at home I'm felling great, no bleeding & I'm not tired as crap from the pelvic exam earlier and had a fun idea to take a pic of my 39 week preggo belly with an eviction notice on it for this lil' dude. It's been decided that November 9th I have plans to be induced if he doesn't come out on his own. I'm almost a "Born again first time Mom" (Thanks for this term Sarah!) Yikes & wowza, nervous of the news but glad there's finally a plan in order. The eviction notice took me forever to make and print out since my printshop and printer are straight up wacko at working normally but I' impressed with the outcome, it's pretty hilarious & totally cute.

Just need to get a bright orange shirt that fits to wear and I'll get a photo of my humongous ready to pop baby belly with the quirky eviction notice above stuck on the side. Should be pretty rad. 

I'll let him chill in peace tonight before I break the news to him...